Wow. Just so much wow. I am still processing all the great inspiration from my trip to the Pennsylvania Conference for Women yesterday. A few people have asked me “How was it?” and the word amazing just doesn’t do it justice.

The morning started with me making a new friend on the train into the city, who was also a big Brene Brown fan! She too had signed up early to see Brene and then found out that Michelle Obama and Shonda Rhimes were speaking. Bonus!

So let me start with, there were 12,000 women in attendance. The event was sold out! When the intro speaker came out to kick off the conference, you could feel the energy in the air. In that moment, and all day really, it felt like I was part of something so much bigger than myself. These 12,000 ambitious, courageous, inspiring women all coming together in one room. Different races, religious, political stances, backgrounds. It didn’t matter, in this moment we were all one and all here to listen, be inspired and uplift each other.  “We are connected” That phrase was said in many different ways throughout the conference and it rang so true.

Our world feels so divided right now for so many reasons but in this moment and on this day. We were simply women, standing together, lifting each other up, sharing this incredible collective, inspiring energy. I doubt anyone left that conference not feeling inspired, changed or moved.

I have so many pages of notes from yesterday that this would be a 10-page post if I put them all in so I’ll give you my highlights but rest assured there will be more blog posts to come!

So my top 5 highlights from the conference!

1) ”Do not sit in the room you’ve been invited to, at the seat at the table and not use your voice.”

-Carla Harris

I did not know Carla Harris before this but I will definitely be getting to know her work more know that I do! She chaired the National Women’s Business Council, has been on Wall Street for 30 years, has authored multiple books and is a singer with 3 albums recorded. She was a firecracker on stage and spoke with a passion that made you feel like you had just been to church in the best possible way. Like you wanted to put your hands up in the air and yell “preach!”

She had so many words of wisdom but this one stuck out to me. When you have a “seat at the table” use your voice. We as women often stay quiet so we don’t seem too forward or pushy or overbearing. Sometimes we stay quiet because we are afraid to be wrong or stand out or be the only person in the room who doesn’t agree. We have been taught that fitting in or being mild-mannered or agreeable is the best way to be “acceptable” in society. So when we finally get the seat at the table ( the table being any space where you have the power to make change happen) we stay quiet for fear of rocking the boat when we really need to speak up.

If you have been invited to the room and to the table then your voice matters. It has weight and it’s your job to use it! I can tell you all of the inspiring speakers at this conference were women who speak when they are at the table. You’re voice matters, use it!

2) “What you name a thing matters. I have never named something an obstacle.” -Shonda Rhimes

If you haven’t read Shonda Rhimes’s book “Year of Yes” I highly recommend it! She is the creator of the TV shows Grey’s Anatomy, Scandal, & How To Get Away With Murder. She made her way to the top of a predominantly white and male field and is kicking its ass!

Her speech hit me with such a simple thing that can change how you look at any obstacle. She said she has never encountered an obstacle despite having a crippling fear of public speaking (In an industry where you HAVE to be in front of the public) and being a painfully introverted person.  It makes so much sense. Giving something a name gives it power. If you call something an opportunity vs an obstacle think about how much that shifts how you look at it? This isn’t a problem, it’s an opportunity for me to look for a new solution. Obstacle is now Opportunity in my book!

Click here for her TED talk.

3) ”Negativity and Stress can be picked up like second-hand smoke” – Shawn Achor

The only male keynote speaker, Shawn Achor, was fantastic too and has the number one TED talk of all time. He is a positive psychologist who studies happiness.  I haven’t listened to his TED talk yet but here is the link. I will be listening this afternoon because he had so many interesting things to say about happiness and I want to know more!

This quote stuck out the most to me though because I know it’s true first hand.  Haven’t you ever walked into work and your boss is just a ball of stress and all the sudden everyone in the office seems edgy and stressed out? You might not even be stressed but because everyone else is you start to feel you are. Same thing if you’re partner is really stressed or a co-worker is super negative all the time. It’s contagious. We need to be conscious of this in order to be able to say to ourselves, “Hey, am I really stressed or feeling this down or am I inhaling second had stress?” Then take steps to change it or release the stress that isn’t ours. You know the old saying “Not my circus, not my stress monkey.”

4) “ People are hard to hate close up, move in.” -Brene Brown

In. Real. Life. It may be pregnancy hormones but seeing Brene walk on stage in person, one of my personal heroes might have made me a little misty-eyed.

Listen, if you know me you know how much I love and value her work. If you are not familiar please go get one of her books right now or go listen to her TED talks. There is something for everyone in her work! She is a researcher at the University of Houston and has spent the last 15 years studying courage, vulnerability, shame, and empathy.

She really hit on the theme of the conference,“we are all connected”. Her new book “Braving the wilderness; The quest for true belonging and the courage to stand alone” comes at a time when we really need to be reminded we are connected but we can also stand alone.  One of the parts of her speech that really hit me was “ People are hard to hate close up, move in.”

You can’t put people into a box. Everyone is so much more than one thing. For example, there are more options than either being for gun control or being for the NRA. No one is just a Democrat or just a Republican. Most of us fall in the middle and given a chance to talk would be surprised on the things we actually agree on. This day in age so many people are dehumanizing one side of an argument or the other. We need to get back to remembering we are all humans, with families, jobs, parents, kids, etc and we are more than just one part of us. No one wants to be shoved in a box. Get to know people. Ask them about their beliefs and why they believe them. Don’t just assume. You wouldn’t want someone to assume things about you or put you in one dimensional box either.

5) Michelle Obama and Shonda Rhimes

This was a fascinating conversation. Just getting to hear our former first lady’s perspective on being in the White House for 8 years was so neat. Hearing her say she has moments of doubt when she is trying to “do it all.” Just like every woman everywhere was so refreshing. That like every other parent she doesn’t always know what she’s doing. We are all just trying our best.

She and Shonda also talked about how they don’t have “Imposter Syndrome” anymore. Which goes back to what Carla Harris said about using your seat at the table. These 2 women have been using their voices for so long that they know they belong in the room. We need to keep using our voices. Strengthen that muscle so we can all know that we belong in the room too.

Michelle also said that she feels women worry about failing too much. She said men just don’t worry about it that much. Even her husband, Barrack Obama would say well, I failed again” and got back up and kept trying. We are resilient and we need to remember that the goal is not Don’t Fail. The goal is to get out there and give it you’re all. If you fail, then you learn how not to do it and you get back up again! Let’s stop worrying so much about failing and letting fear stop us. Let’s start doing!

There is one other thing that kept coming to me while watching these incredibly successful women on stage. They are just humans, who have worked hard to get where they are. They are regular people who deal with the same things we all do just on a different level. They haven’t had a path paved for them, they paved it. They didn’t always know and still don’t always know the right next move but they make the choice anyway. They put themselves out there. They try, they fail and they get back up again. Seeing that was so reassuring because it means we can all do it. They aren’t superheroes, they are normal folks putting themselves out there each day. If they can do it, so can I and so can you!

Whew okay, that was long so I will leave you here and promise more in future blog posts. Overall, the conference reminded me why I got into coaching in the first place, because I want to help women achieve their goals and dreams. I want to help remind women that they can do hard things and make it happen. I want to help them see they have all the power they need inside themselves. That’s why I coach and what I want to put more of out there in the world.

We are all connected. Also, who’s coming to the conference with me next year? Mark your calendar for October 12th, 2018!

Some photos for you’re viewing pleasure including me cheesing in a selfie.