It’s been a bit crazy around here with baby prep and the holidays coming plus a few bonus colds going through the house. It’s left me feeling, well, exhausted. Which is part of being a parent but not that helpful in the entrepreneurial world. I haven’t felt like myself for a bit, which in part is because I’m sharing this body with another person right now! but it’s also just being overwhelmed in general.
You see I want this business to flourish and hopefully, some day become my main source of income. To be honest though right now being a parent, being pregnant, being a wife, having a job and having my own business is a lot. I often feel like I’m underwater or dropping all the balls if you will. It’s not that I don’t have help or a super supportive husband. It’s the pressure I put on myself to do it all and do it all well. It’s an unrealistic goal and expectation on myself. It also one I don’t put on anyone else but for some reason, I can’t stop trying to force it on myself.
While at the conference last week, I listened to a speaker named Tiffany Dufu. She wrote a book called Dropping the ball, achieving more by doing less. The room was PACKED to standing room only. I watched as she spoke about this exact problem and I swear every woman in that room was nodding their heads and saying “oh, yea”. It was this great collective nod to the fact that we know we are being unfair to ourselves but just can’t stop!
Her talk was about how she overcame this internal battle and started strategically “dropping the ball” or handing it off to others so she could actually achieve what she wanted to achieve. Her book is definitely on my list to read now but the thing that I really took away from her talk was that I am not alone in this internal battle to do it all and that I have the power to stop fighting this battle within myself.
Maybe that seems obvious but when you’re in the thick of life, it’s hard to see the whole picture clearly. During her talk, Tiffany touched on the point that we need to identify and release the unrealistic expectations we put on ourselves. She added that we tend to take on the expectations we see others put on themselves as our own and then get upset when we don’t meet them, even if our lives are completely different.
For example, my mom has the cleanest house with everything put in its place, ALWAYS. I have no idea how she does this or how she did it when we were kids but I’m telling you every night before I went to bed our house was perfectly put away. Not my room or my brothers per say but the rest of the house. Now having kids of my own, this seems like a superhero feat. How did she do it?! How does she still do it?! When my mom comes to my house, she leaves it cleaner than when she got here. She can tidy up a room in 30 seconds. I love and admire this.
I do not possess this skill. Don’t get me wrong, I love a clean, organized house. It always feels good to have everything in its place but I can’t keep up with it the way she always did and still does. Now, hearing Tiffany talk about where the expectations come from hit me because deep down, I feel like having a disorganized home, or dishes in the sink, means I’m failing. I know my mom doesn’t see it this way at all! I know my husband doesn’t either but because I grew up in what felt like a spotless house, I put that expectation on myself.
This is what Tiffany was talking about. What expectations are you putting on yourself? where do they come from? and are they realistic?
Is it realistic for me to have a spotless house every day? No, Of course not, it’s not for anyone and no one is putting this expectation on me except myself! Someday, when my kids are older and my business is going, maybe I will be able to keep this place clean for more than an hour but right now, I need to let it go and be okay with the “picnic” set up in the living room by my toddler for a few days.
We also have to look at the person we are using as our measuring stick and remember that our lives are different. What one person chooses to do and has time to do is always different than another. This speaks to the social media stigma of the world. We see these beautiful pictures of people’s lives and then feel bad when we don’t measure up. the reality is our lives are so different. Maybe you have kids, maybe you don’t, that will change what your day to day life looks like, what your priorities are. Maybe you love working out, maybe you don’t. That will change your priorities too.
So to break this cycle of doing it all let’s start asking ourselves those questions about where the expectations come from and if they are realistic. Plus here are few more to ask yourself in those moments of feeling like you can’t do it all:
1) What is most important to you?
2) What is your highest best use in this moment?
3) How can you start to delegate the rest?
And last but not least know that you are not alone in feeling this way and you can “drop the ball” and it will be okay. Your job isn’t to do it all at the same time and be the best. Your job is to know yourself and what you want/need to do in this moment. Your job is to start asking for help and actually accepting it! (Note that last part!)
What have I done since this talk to help myself? Well, I’m taking a look at my priorities right now. My focus right now is on taking care of myself and this baby growing inside me. I’m prepping the house and spending time with my daughter while it’s just her so I can remember these moments of having only one baby. Which means slowing down on the coaching and design front a bit, making paper pumpkins, and having picnics in the living room.
There are seasons for everything and right now, I’m in a season of family focus. It doesn’t mean I’m not still excited about my business or working out or any of the other things in my life. It does mean that I accept that I can’t and don’t want to do it all. It means knowing where to focus and where to relax a bit.
You do not need to do it all and especially not by yourself!
PSS That being said Follow Your Arrow sessions are closed until Spring of 2018 after my maternity leave. To get on the waitlist, fill out the application! It also means I’m only accepting new Bullseye session clients until November 20th so grab yoru spot now!